Journey's End Read online

  “Don’t give up. You’re not dying.” He stroked her face with his hand and a soft smile curled his lips. “I can’t lose you now. I’m in love with you.”

  She couldn’t believe her ears. Delirium must have already set in. “Did you say you love me?”

  “Yes.” He kissed her forehead. “Now dress so we can go home.”

  She watched him leave the cave. He loved her. He was in love with her. She loved him, too, and had to try. Her body ached and her back hurt, but at least she regained the use of her hands.

  Jared could swear that with every step they took, Joy’s cough worsened and she lost color. The last quarter mile of the longest mile of his life, she could barely walk or breathe. He lifted her, ignoring her protest as he limped to get them home. He increased his pace the best he could, wondering if he could find his way down the east side of the mountain to the village for help. He slipped on a branch and almost dropped her, convincing him he couldn’t make it down the mountain.

  At home, he laid Joy in her bed to rest while her bath water warmed. He pulled out one of the ladder-back chairs in the kitchen, then sat and propped his leg on the seat of the opposite chair. A sharp, intense pain shot through his leg.

  Tuning out the pain, he saw her backpack and picked it up. He wanted to know why she was out there. A dozen sketchpads and a box of pencils. She must have bought all they had. Realizing she’d gone to town for him, his heart sank. If he weren’t already in love with her, he would have been from that moment on.

  He prepared a light meal, then tapped on her door. “Are you decent?” He waited for an answer that never came. He cracked the door open and saw her lying in the bed, staring at the fireplace. He took her a bowl of soup. “Eat this.”

  “You came for me,” she said in a far off tone.

  He smiled at her. “Of course I did.” He set the soup on her nightstand. “You’re not eating this, are you?” She grinned. “I’ll be back with some berries.”

  He left, but returned shortly with berries and nuts. “Once you’re in the tub, I need to check your back. I couldn’t see very well in the cave.”

  She ate a few berries. “Fluids are very important.” She handed him the bowl. “Did you know you’d die of thirst before starvation?”

  She hadn’t eaten much, but at least she had something in her stomach. “If you’re thirsty, all you had to do was ask,” he joked as he left to fetch a glass of water.

  He returned with the water, sat on the edge of the bed and cupped her face within his hands. Soft and warm. Now that she would allow him to touch her, he’d take every opportunity he could to touch her. “I can’t tell you how glad I am you didn’t fall into fever. Now we need to work on your cough.”

  “I love you, Jared.”

  Though overwhelmed with happiness she returned his feelings, she sounded too final. Her profession of love sounded more like a goodbye. He turned her chin up and sank into those deep brown eyes of hers. “If you love me, don’t give up.”

  She placed her head on his chest. He embraced her. She pulled back as if in pain. He loosened his grip, and they held each other. “I’m coming down with fever. I have fluid building up in my lungs. I’ll be delirious. I might die.”

  He couldn’t save his brother, but he would save Joy. “Tell me what to do.”

  She gave him instructions, but he wasn’t satisfied. She would go through hell, and he needed help. Going down the east side of the mountain was out of the question. It was dangerous when the weather was good. “How far away is your godfather’s reservation?”

  She drew in a ragged breath. “It’s not very far. In this weather I’d guess two, maybe three days away. Why?”

  He didn’t like her cough, and her breathing was forced. “You aren’t well. You need medicine.”

  “It’s too far away. We’ll have to make due.” The smile on her face looked forced at best. “I’m feeling better already.”

  He knew she lied for his benefit. She looked awful. “Does Night or Day know the way to the reservation?”

  She crooked her head to the side. “You’re determined, aren’t you?”

  “I’m not losing you.”

  “Day was his wolf until a year ago when I convinced him to leave her with me.”

  “Then I’m sending Day for him in the morning.” He hated her godfather for leaving Joy, but he didn’t see any other options. The horse was dead, and he needed help.

  The next couple of weeks were hard on them both. Joy developed a fever, and every time she fell into a deep sleep, she woke shortly with nightmares of being chased. Lack of sleep made her illness worse. Sometimes she’d wake, thinking halfway lucid, other times she’d wake not knowing Jared. Whenever she didn’t recognize him, she’d fight, claw, and cry. He’d hold her and allow her to beat and scratch at his chest as she fought her demons.

  He rocked her gently in his arms whispering, “What did they do to you?” Eyes wild, she mumbled incoherently and cried. All he could do was mourn with her as she lost her parents, over and over again.

  He worried about her weight loss. She couldn’t keep food down and became weaker. He began making her eat nibbles of food throughout the day. He also forced her to drink water. He wished Lucas would hurry; he didn’t know how much longer she would survive.

  Exhausted, he fell asleep, but woke a short time later to her calling his name. He had moved his favorite chair into her room beside the bed. He cracked his eyes open and saw her.

  “Go to bed and get some sleep,” she whispered weakly.

  He stretched and yawned. “So you decided to come and visit me for a little while.” He handed her a glass of water and a piece of bread. He’d missed her and was glad to hear the clearheaded Joy.

  “I can only remember bits and pieces. How long since we left the cave?”

  He placed his hand on her forehead. The fever was gone. He pulled her into his arms. “You’re actually back.” She spilled the water on him, and he released her. “It took two weeks, but you made it.”

  “I’ve been out for two weeks?”

  “Not quite out, but not here either. Wait a second.” He left the room and returned a few minutes later.

  He was worried about Day. He’d sent the wolf off weeks ago, and she hadn’t returned. After the first week, he thought sending her out wasn’t a good idea. With the snow so high, she probably got lost or she might have gotten hurt. There was no way she would make it to the reservation.

  He helped Joy sit up. Her cough had cleared up considerably since she first took ill. “How’s your back?”

  “It still hurts and my lungs burn, but I think the worst part is over.”

  “It’s the coughing that has your lungs burning.”

  “You need to shave,” she teased.

  He raised an eyebrow and expelled a loud harrumph. “And you need a bath. You stink,” he replied, missing their play arguments.

  She put her hands over her mouth. “I stink? You said I stink.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “You haven’t had a full bath in weeks. You’ve been sweating like a pig, and your odor is offensive.”

  She had a combination laugh-coughing attack. “Don’t make me laugh. It hurts too much.” She continued laughing. He gently patted her on the back. “Let me shave you, and I’ll take a bath.”

  “No, thanks. You’re not cutting me up. I’ll wait until you’re better.”

  Chapter Ten

  “Would you help me?”

  Jared helped Joy sit up. They loved each other, and from what he could gather from her dreams, he knew she’d gone through some traumatic experiences that made her leery of being touched. He feared making her uncomfortable, but wanted to touch the lucid Joy every chance he got.

  As if sensing his unease, she said, “I’m not afraid of you anymore. I love you. I know you’d never hurt me.”

  He undressed her slowly. It had only been a few weeks, yet the lack of proper nutrition showed in her ribcage. “I’m cooking you a pr
oper meal.” Her back still had a large bruise on it, but it looked much better.

  “Can I lie here a few more minutes? I’m tired.” She wrapped herself in the blanket he’d placed on her and lay back down.

  He could see the exhaustion in her face. Neither had had a decent night’s sleep in weeks. “Your water will get cold, and you need to dress before you catch a chill.”

  “If you insist.”

  He lifted her and placed her into the tub. Even sick she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He felt guilty about his lusty thoughts. This wasn’t the time. “I’ll take down your hair and wash it for you.” He hadn’t been with a woman in months, and the effects had taken their toll on him.

  After he finished bathing her, he set her on her bed. As she dried, he went to his room and changed the sheets. He returned and helped her do a better job at drying, then dressed her in a flannel gown.

  “Where did you find this?” she asked of the gown.

  “In your mother’s things. I’m putting you in my room for tonight, then I’ll change your bed tomorrow.” He glanced over at her plate. She hadn’t eaten much for dinner, but it was better than nothing. He carried her into his room and placed her in his bed. “You look tired. Are you ready for me to leave?”

  “Where are you going to sleep?”

  Too tired to change her linen, he longed for sleep. “In the living room.” He yawned.

  “I want you to sleep with me.”

  Shocked wasn’t strong enough. He wanted to make love with her, but she wasn’t well enough yet.

  “Why are you looking so confused? You need a good night’s sleep, and the bed is much more comfortable than the couch. If anyone should sleep in the living room, it should be me. I’m much smaller than you. Plus, I like having you near.”

  He laughed at himself. She literally meant sleeping. Her lack of knowledge about making love made sense. He needed to remember she was a total innocent. “You wouldn’t mind if I slept with you?” He’d worried her dreams made her skittish about being touched again.

  She scooted back on the bed. “Fits two perfectly.”

  He stripped down to his long johns and entered the bed. “We need to talk.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Oh, no.” He caressed her face with his hand. “I’m in love with you.” This was harder than he thought it would be. Before when they’d professed their love for each other, she was sick and half out of her mind.

  “I love you, too.” She liked his touch and wished it would never end.

  A tremendous weight lifted off his shoulder, now he could continue. “I don’t like the mountains. The air is thin, and it’s too cold…”

  The pain in her eyes told him he’d selected a bad choice of wording. “I want you to leave with me. I want you to marry me. If you wish to stay I will, but I’d prefer moving to a warmer climate. We can make our own utopia.”

  “You’d marry me?”

  Too awkward, he knew something was wrong. “Of course. That’s what people in love do.”

  “But what will people say.”

  He hadn’t taken her prejudices into consideration. He just assumed she’d want to leave with him. He’d been working through the issue of an interracial marriage for months, and it wasn’t fair to expect her to work through them in two minutes. He’d give her more time to adjust to their new situation, then bring up moving again.

  She rubbed his chest with her cheek, then lifted herself enough to kiss his forehead. “I love you with all of my heart. I’d be honored to marry you.”

  Passion pushed his relief out of the picture. “What do you know about making love?”

  She backed away, and lay with him, gazing into his eyes. “I don’t know what making love is.” She snuggled closer.

  “Did you ever see your parents together? Did you see them kissing or anything?”

  “Oh, I get it. Married people kiss to have babies.”

  At a total loss, he shook his head. He’d have to teach her everything. He smiled at the thought; this wouldn’t be so bad after all. “There is a little bit more to it than kissing.”

  “Do you mean the mounting, like Night and Day do?”

  He winced at the thought. “It’s not quite the same. I just wanted to know how much you knew.”

  The moonlight crept through the window, giving Joy enough light to watch Jared in his sleep. This white man was there for her in ways her own flesh and blood refused to be. Jared’s arms had become her safe haven, her home. If she weren’t already in love with him, she would have been from this night on.

  Married. He had actually asked her to marry him. Lucas told her white men wished to rape Negro women and nothing more. Lucas told her white men put up a front for the world to see, one that shows their importance and power. How could he do this with a Negro wife? Lucas was wrong. Completely wrong as her Miwok family had said so many times.

  Two days later

  Lucas practically rode his horse to death to reach Joy. When he entered the cabin, the silence scared him. He knew something must be desperately wrong for her to send Day after him. He heard her coughing and went to check on her. She was asleep in her room. Her cough sounded awful.

  Night came out of the spare bedroom to greet Lucas. “What have you been up to, boy?” Lucas scratched behind Night’s ears. “You been taking care of Joy for me?” He had left Day behind. She was exhausted and wouldn’t have been able to keep up with his horse. He knew the wolf could find her way home on its own after it rested up a few days.

  On the kitchen table, he saw Joy’s sketchpad. He thumbed threw it, admiring her latest artwork. The first few pages were of animals and objects. He thought labeling everything was strange, but was impressed with how much she’d improved.

  He continued flipping through until he came upon a drawing of Joy sitting on the floor brushing Night. “How did she do this?” He turned to the next page, and his body began to quake. It was the most beautiful portrait he’d ever seen. Someone had captured Joy’s very essence. There was no way she could have done the drawing herself.

  Night returned to the spare bedroom, Lucas followed. When he saw someone sleeping in his bed, he followed his first impulse and grabbed his gun. He stalked up on the sleeping man and poked him with the barrel of his shotgun.

  A white man pulled the cover from over his head, slowly opened his eyes. At the sight of the gun, he raised his hands above his head, and sat up. “Are you Lucas? I sent for you.”

  Lucas glared down at the green eyed, white devil. “Who are you, and why are you in my bed?” The man started to stand, but Lucas prevented it. “Hold it right there. Who are you?”

  The devil held his hand out to shake. “I’m Jared, Joy’s friend. She was sick. I couldn’t take care of her properly, so I sent for you.” Jared held his hand out a bit longer, then withdrew it and pet Night.

  The wolves didn’t usually take to strangers, especially Night since he’d been Joy’s since he was only a month old, but he still didn’t believe this blue-eyed devil. “Liar. She’d never be friends with the likes of you. Get up.”

  Lucas noted Jared’s limp as they went into the kitchen. “What happened to her?” Jared told him everything about the incident and the past few weeks of her recovery.

  Enraged, Lucas barked, “You made her go to town for you?” He was about to knock Jared out of his chair when Joy called out, “Jared, who are you talking to?”

  They both headed for her room, but Lucas stopped Jared at the door. Soul filled with hate, Lucas hissed, “Don’t ever go into her room.” Jared waited at the door.

  “I can’t believe you’re here.” She held out an arm to him. “I’m so glad to see you. What are you doing here? You aren’t due for what, three, four months?”

  He sat on the bed next to her. “I’ve missed you, too.” He hugged her, but released quickly. “You’ve lost a lot of weight.” Already thin, her additional weight loss scared him.

  She held out a hand to Jar
ed, who was standing in the doorway. “Why are you standing over there?” She motioned for him to come in. “I see you’ve met.”

  Jared took a step into the room. Lucas raised his gun to him. “Back,” he warned.

  Jared stopped. Joy smacked Lucas on the back. “How dare you.” She grabbed for the gun.

  He jerked it away. “Stop, Joy.”

  “No, you stop. You can’t come into my home and threaten my friends. Who do you think you are?”

  He shook his gun in Jared’s direction. “No white man will ever be your friend. He helped you and that is the only reason I’ve let him live.”

  “Give me the gun.”

  “No.”

  “Fine.” Without warning, Joy hopped out of the bed and fell into Jared’s arms. “Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt you.” She turned to Lucas. “If you can’t behave yourself, leave. Why are you here anyway?”

  Lucas picked her up and carried her back to bed. Jared covered her with a quilt.

  “Your friend sent for me.”

  “You sent for him?”

  “Don’t you remember telling me Day knew the way to the reservation?”

  “No…not really.”

  Not wanting to hear another word from the white man, Lucas cut her off. “I need to look at your back and make sure you didn’t break anything. Then I’ll fatten you up.” He turned to Jared. “Thank you for helping Joy. You can have my horse to return to town or wherever you come from. I’ll stay with her now.”

  Jared opened his mouth to say something, but Joy cut in with, “He’s not going anywhere.”

  “What in the hell is going on here?” Lucas snapped.

  Jared sat on the edge of the bed. The way the two looked at each other sickened Lucas.

  “I love Jared. I’m marrying him.” She leaned on Jared’s shoulder and held his hand.

  Lucas hopped up and called Jared every name except a child of God.

  “You’re yelling is making me tired. I’m going to bed. And you’d better not do anything to Jared while I’m asleep or I’ll make you curse the day you were born.”